Life is A Choice
I was en route to what felt like the thousandth meeting I had that day, stuck in traffic, sleepy beyond control. My mind drifted off to a cool air-conditioned room and a toddler bed with a handsome little love and a mini ballerina tucked inside. How I wanted to give up everything I had at that moment to snuggle in with them.
I’d like to think that all working moms felt this way – the agitation from having to choose between climbing the corporate ladder or raising a child, the twitch after an award-winning achievement is washed over by the guilt over what we had to sacrifice to get there. And I reminded myself over and over again of why I did what I did.
I realized soon enough that I was tired of playing the pretend game with myself. Sure enough, the thrill of rolling out a new project, the supreme satisfaction that comes with every sales target being achieved, the planning, the meetings, the people – it was one package that revived me. Not to mention the compensation I got that made me feel secure and independent. But I wouldn’t deny that it felt like there was always something more, something bigger.
I focused on purpose and priorities. And after months and months of self-reflecting, self-discovery, and self-convincing, I finally admitted that work has been a part of me for so long that I was afraid of what was going to happen if I had to let it go.
It was a liberating statement. And I knew right then what I had to do.
My days are now filled with a whole set of new challenges. Finding creative ways to make the wonderbabies eat their vegetables is one of them. Well there’s that, and helping them to do their homework, potty train, and getting them to say “please” and “thank you”, among other things. And I’m also always on the lookout for new ways to burn their energy after their naps so they can get in some hearty dinners and go to bed on time.
This is a whole new ball game. It’s about learning new things, implementing new kinds of strategies, thinking in a different way, and practicing a new form of self control. (It is often unbelievable how persistent the wonderbabies can be in trying my patience.) It’s about finding out that closing my eyes for a second while I take a deep breath can save my child (and myself) from having an entire day ruined. It’s about setting up that foundation for a lifetime of emotional connection.
Life is a choice. And I know this one is completely worth it.
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You’re not alone Mbak Maya. Couldn’t have put it in better words myself. After making the decision to become a full-time mom, there are moments when I still wonder at what I could have become or what I could have achieved, but then I realize there is a greater purpose in life than my own ego. That greater purpose is sitting there with the biggest smile in the world as if saying, “Thank you mommy for being here with me.” And then I am content
Kintan / 18 Jul 2011 00:30Been there as well.
tisa 'tisyonk' / 18 Jul 2011 01:00 / Log in to ReplyKeep reminding myself that we can catch up with career, but not with the kid’s growth.
Surprisingly, being a FTM really tests my limits, way much harder than being an employee in å multinational company.. *phew
I was in the same cross path last year and finally made a decision to stay at home with my kiddo last September. And now, I couldn’t be happier with what I am. The things turn our beyond what I thought. It is a very superb experience!
thea rizkia / 18 Jul 2011 06:40 / Log in to Replycould not agree more…thanks for sharing this inspiring story!
SunShine / 18 Jul 2011 07:27 / Log in to Reply*i’m about to make the choice too..wish me luck..
i wish i can do the same like yours..
i wish.. i wish..
mariani sipayung / 18 Jul 2011 08:25 / Log in to ReplyWell put! oh I can sooo relate this. Just gave up lawyer-ing for 3 months now, probably one of the best decisions I had made in my life. It was, very liberating. Life has been more challenging in many ways ever since, but totally worth it.
Bravo to all moms out there, working or not working, there is no such thing as “full-time mom” or “part-time mom”. Being a mom either way is a full-time job, and life is definitely a choice. You are all superheroes to your children, mothers. All judgments aside.
taniadavina / 18 Jul 2011 11:17 / Log in to ReplyI feel so blessed can be a stay home mom. Ga pernah nyesal meninggalkan kantor setelah 8 tahun jadi “wanita karir”.
Fransiska Setijono / 18 Jul 2011 11:24 / Log in to ReplyTahun terakhir masih ngantor, hampir setiap malam aku mimpi buruk: anak2 sudah abg, cantik2 tapi ga kenal sama aku.. terus aku nangis2 sampai dibangunin suami. Mungkin karena guilty feeling dari lubuk hati. Thanks God, sekarang ga pernah mimpi2 seperti itu lagi.
Wah Fransiska sampai mimpi2 nangis yaaa. Tapi sekarang udah hepi banget pastinya yaaaa udah bisa meluangkan banyak waktu buat anak.
thea rizkia / 18 Jul 2011 12:53 / Log in to Replysaya ngambil keputusan itu januari 2011. dan tidak menyesalinya!! cudling with my baby feels like HEAVEN! kissing him anytime all day long: HEAVEN! becanda guling2 di kasur HEAVEN!. ngadepin jahil nya, ngajarin hal baru, melihat perkembangannya dan memblok pengaruh buruk environment bener2 tantangan and still HEAVEN.
bubun hafidz / 18 Jul 2011 15:10Heaven on Earth deh pokoknya
makasih banget mbak maya.tulisan ini membuat saya kembali tersenyum sambil nahan tangis melihat si kecil yg lagi bobok saat saya baca ini.mengingatkan saya kalau segala kehilangan dlm pencapaian karir saya dibayar dgn jauh lebih besar dengan melihat tumbuh kembangnya.thanks very much for sharing
nani yusuf / 18 Jul 2011 16:25I was a single mom with a 6-month-old son.. I have to raise my son alone so i dont see that i have any other options but to work.. It’s sad for me that I can’t spend the most of my time to be with my boy.. So for you, moms out there that left your jobs to raise your kids, hats off!
denadahar / 18 Jul 2011 20:20 / Log in to ReplyI just submitted my resignation letter last week and Iam convinced that this is the best decision. Thank you for sharing mbak Maya!
keevie / 18 Jul 2011 20:52 / Log in to ReplyIt is a matter of choice
and such a brave one you’ve made!
Nita / 18 Jul 2011 21:33 / Log in to Replywell…feel the same way… guilty… looking at my child call my name when i’m home…
Izzet Vanya / 18 Jul 2011 21:48 / Log in to Replyhow i want to raise my child by my hands *still convince myself & cry in the corner*
Mbak Maya, salam kenal…
I resigned more than 2 yrs ago… (feb 2009)… so far, it’s always up and down, sometimes I completely believed that was the best decision, and sometimes I felt lost… but never regret it anyway ^_* …
Jihan Davincka / 22 Jul 2011 10:20 / Log in to ReplyHi mbak maya, salam kenal. I was asking that question to me and the answer is I want a career and I want to be with my baby whenever I can. Slightly different with your choice but I can live with it. I chose to be a career girl.. And am ready with the concequence, well.. At least until now
mummyhilya / 22 Jul 2011 17:45 / Log in to Replyi can see how hard that position must have been… since i am a FTM but also work from home, it’s a hard thing but i’m working it out.
mamadom / 24 Jul 2011 13:46 / Log in to Replythe harder part is when everybody around me judge how i kind of abandon my child when i need to work !
but then i think, i just choose what i wanna do to make me happy because i don’t wanna wake up one day and regret i didn’t do it
salute for your courage mbak Maya! i still struggling about this thing myself, career or my kid.
Total hardship to left my daughter alone, and kinda need to silently go or she’ll end up crying when she knew.
i hope i can come to the point where i finally made my decision
thanks for sharing mbak
mandalynn / 01 Dec 2011 02:45 / Log in to Reply